If it was late at night, I probably shouldn’t walk down a dark alley on my way home. Why? Because I am aware that if I were to mug someone in my town, I’d do it in that dark alley. As a mugger, that makes logical sense.
Having said that, I probably would walk down the alley. You might be the sort of person who does too. I can acknowledge, at this moment in time, that I do take risks like this day to day.
However, if I WAS mugged, I wouldn’t expect someone to mention that I shouldn’t walk down dark alleys. Partially because its counter productive to assess my risk-taking in that particular light, but largely just because it would be fucking annoying to hear. It would feel like that person was implying I don’t deserve sympathy and that the crime is justified. When it is obviously not. And every single person on Tumblr is in agreement that mugging people isn’t okay. I can assure you, that is not an argument that needs to be had.
This is similar to the debate that exists currently about rape. Would I tell a rape victim that it could be prevented? No fucking way. I wouldn’t in a million years, for the same reasons above (which are obviously scaled up).
But..if I went shopping with a daughter, girlfriend, mother or other person close to me that I feel I want to protect (Not because females need protecting..I care for males too, but this debate is about women. Please don’t try and pick at little points like this, its not smart) I would, potentially, tell them that outfit x exposes more of her body than I feel she should.
Why? I’d most likely say that it might attract dodgy guys. As well as the chance of being raped (which is quite slim and unimaginable at this time), there are smaller interactions that are often referred to as ‘the wrong kind of attention’ that work on a similar wavelength. You know, when there is a lot on show, dickheads are more likely to think this is a sign to them that you want to be touched. Is it? No. Of course it is not. I know that. You know that. But they don’t and they are the ones that we want to avoid.
Is this the right thing to say to someone? I couldn’t tell you. I certainly understand that you shouldn’t feel the need to change anything about yourself for these reasons (Obviously, because I am a self-confessed alley-walker). Perhaps, with this taken into account, I would say to her not to buy outfit x, but explain why fully. Say everything that I have in this post, so that anyone that takes influence from my opinion (best example, a daughter) knows the ins and outs of it.
I certainly see how this argument comes about. I think a lot of people are of the same view-point as me, but don’t explain this very well, leading to statements about which sound like there is blame placed on victim.
I understand that my view-point is somewhat controversial but, I think it is worth considering, I am talking about the real world. I am not talking about an ideal world. I am talking about the world where you take GCSE exams even though you don’t believe that we should try to quantify a humans intelligence. The world where you buy conditioner in the same size bottle as shampoo, even though you are aware it doesn’t make sense, because you use more shampoo. If I could re-shape the world, it would be different. But, there are certain things that we have to share the planet with, and it isn’t a bad idea to work around them.
If my daughter says that she doesn’t want to change for anyone, after hearing what I have to say, I will still give her a high 5. Everyone is entitled to develop their own opinion and I have no less respect for those that decide to wear outfit x.
I completely agree with everything that you said. I personally have a similar view point, although the only people that bother me, and that I think need to change are people that are just fine with the fact that a few pieces of cloth can define a person.
In every walk of life people are constantly judged, yes thats human nature etc, but I just find it hard to believe that even some of the smartest people I know take the stance of “Oh yeah, but girls who dress in ‘outfit x’ should expect to be treated a certain way”. This is especially true as we’re often talking about something that can result in physical acts, a complete invasion of someones personal space. And I apologise for opening up the discussion to far out examples, but I find that it’s the same for people who decide to dress in gothic clothing or in shell suits etc. Which everyone is guilty of really. But my main point is that people need to become more opinionated about these things, and stop just accepting that the guy scaring you half to death when you’re walking home in the dark (in a winter coat and no skin on show), by beeping his horn at you, or the guy in the club who is more or less trying to finger you without even a hello, is acceptable. If people never had opinions and made a fuss, and expressed how wrong things like this are then we wouldn’t be as far toward things like equal rights between races, or genders or anything. Thats why all of these ‘LADS’ (something I am growing a great dislike for) need to grow up, and stop thinking that the be all and end all of their boring lives is harassing women and finding a shag!
I think that this is a really difficult subject though to be honest. I really do understand the fact that wearing mini skirts and a boob tube is revealing etc, and I wouldn’t personally do it. I think mostly due to personal preference and just because I think it looks a bit horrible, and because I like to leave more to the imagination. So I think to make my opinion clear all I need to say is that, it is the mind set of other people that scares me, and although I don’t agree with skimpy clothing and do agree that it can send out the wrong message, I think that it is individuals responsibility to learn some self control.
Also, semi related - one thing that I plan to teach my little girl, if I ever have one, is to have a high opinion of herself. If you grow up thinking that a guy touching you inappropriately, or someone shouting anything derogatory towards you is ok then you’re not going to get anywhere. And just because you’ve been talking with a guy for any amount of time doesn’t mean that you owe him anything (it’s kind of like prostitution with words :/. Speech or anything like, doesn’t equal sex). Women (and men) need to realise how much we all deserve, and anyone who doesn’t give you that can take a hike.
(But yes, I agree with your post, but I think we both also agree that its a great shame that it is still this way).
